Hey, @solargirl –
If you ask other attendees, I bet they will say the same: their video is first in the upper left. The Participant window has the same basic ordering scheme – though there are a few variants. Take a look at this Zoom Support article, especially the section on Order of participants listed in a Zoom meeting.
There are a variety of ways you can affect the order of the videos on the screen. If you’re the host, Spotlighting affects the order for you and all attendees. Anyone can Pin videos, which only affects your display. And if there’s no Spotlighting and no Pinning going on, under most circumstances you can actually drag the individual videos around to get them in the order you like.
I like to drag the video of the person I’m speaking to so it’s closest to my camera – that way, when I’m talking to them and looking at them on the screen, it appears like I’m actually looking directly at them though the camera lens.
Here’s a few reference articles you might want to read and refer to as the situation arises:
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/201362653-Spotlighting-participants-videos
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/201362743-Pinning-participants-videos
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/201362323-Adjusting-your-video-layout-during-a-virtual-meeting
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/4413866054285-Setting-a-custom-gallery-view-order-
Thanks for asking – and experiment with these various ways to change your display!